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So today i’ve started doing worry minutes. It’s a technique to try and minimise worrying and only worry at a reserved time and space. didn’t go so smooth, might have to change the time.


I try so hard to get up earlier every time but it’s to no avail. the radio clock I found and installed isn’t working at all. The channels keep changing and it doesn’t even go off. Still getting out at 11 is better than before. I was excited about today because I’d finally see Kyara again. I think the last time we met up was somewhere at the beginning of p2 when I was doing honours for the first time. And just like then, today we went for a walk. We 


i had therapy first thing this morning and told Berit about doing drugs for the first time on nye. we talked about it being a formative experience for me of sorts because it made me realise some things. i like that she makes no big deal about these things and that we can just have a conversation about it. i’m not used to that so i was a little afraid she’d have a worried reaction like i’m used to receiving.

after my talk with Berit i had an introduction 


today i walked my dog and noticed a tractor by a tree. i hadn’t seen it there before. i made an awful lot of photos of my dog today because her ear was sticking up funny as if to say ‘hii!’ it made me laugh. other than that today was a lazy but exciting day because i’m fully revelling in this show now that is so nostalgic to me. i notice i interpret things different now than when i was younger and the show seems much darker now but super 


i think i might have found the perfect opening to this diary thing on tumblr. if you’re reading this you know what i’m talking about. i made a list today divided by categories and steps on what i want and need to do. they’re not timed and i’ve decided to do them when i feel like it apart from a few because i’m just not doing that to myself yet.

i spoke with a lot of my american friends on twitter today about what’s happening in their 


i’ve been listening to the bald and the beautiful for hours. it’s v entertaining. i turned my room upside down. dust off, replugged my stereo set. a bit of a wire nightmare but it looks good now. i still thing the left square with books is a bit much. i’d like a door in it. i want things less visible to make some clarity in my head and line of sight. 


i saw a plane today. It’s been so long since i’ve seen one. Can’t sense if it’s because of the pandemic or because i’ve been more isolated and just hadn’t noticed them.


today i woke up and immediately recorded something. it was weird because i’m really not used to it. i’m not sure yet either if i’ll keep doing it but i have to try regardless to just figure it out.

i rearranged my dad’s shop front today. it’s always a whole ordeal to get all the christmas stuff out because i need to scoop all the ‘snow’ in a bag. it’s not all bad though because i listened to 3 podcasts while doing it and they 


I didn’t get out as planned today and that’s down to me just not feeling like setting up this horrendous clock. Good thing is that I’m picking stuff up again. I’ve started preparing my clothes for the next day again which is a good sign as I haven’t done that in months. I actually baked an egg today! And I only mildly freaked out about it! Had that with soup. After my brunch I followed a webinar by Pip Jamieson on how to find a fitting mentor and 


lounged around a bit. i thought to myself ‘now that i’ve made a physical boundary between work space, chill space and sleep space maybe i should make a digital one too. so i’ve dubbed safari for schoolwork and no distractions and chrome for fun and interesting stuff and netflix. 



Very notable today too: after a year of getting my driver’s license and not driving since, my parents had me drive in a car. My heart just about jumped out of my ribcage.


busy and booked haha. i had a talk with my therapist and then i had a talk with Ksenia. drove with my dad. that’s getting less uncomfortable but i can tell that it’s really been awhile. it’s also about getting the hang of a new (old) car though. everything is just new. i also spoke to Savanna today. something i’ve come to find over the pandemic is that i really enjoy phone calls with friends. just hanging around my room but it’s kinda like they’re 


i can feel myself slipping 

but at least the green is nice

i can sense pressure

but at least the green is nice

i can’t will my body to move

but hey! the green is nice


that made me feel something today 


the tractor is gone. i made photos of my room as some ‘before’ thing. i like to see the transformation of it. i’m thinking of putting all the photos i’ve made of my room together in some fashion. i like to see the changes it’s undergone. i feel about my room as i do my hair sometimes. since making my mending project for social i’ve noticed how much my room is a representation of  the pressure fog in my head. there’s so much to see it’s a bit 


this whole time i thought that Fran Lebowitz was a photographer. i don’t know why i thought that. today i watched the series about her and her opinions on NY. it was very funny.


i worked on my site. i haven’t mentioned any of that before. i like getting caught up in it. it’s been 2am suddenly every time i get round to it. i hate that night time is my most productive time. everything is so still that i finally get to move but that’s just not a way to live. lately i’ve been more accepting of this. i know, a little contradicting. but it’s true though. i try to notice the frustrations i have, greet them and then ‘park it’ as Berit would 


the fresh of a new week should lighten me up

those are my assumptions

it doesn’t quite do it though

what’s new

my clock finally works

i did my worry minutes at a new time


i’ll be 24 soon. it doesn’t really mean much to me but my mum can’t shut up about it. apparently my dad thought i was turning 22. the clock apparently doesn’t work. i’m over it. 


there were more zooms: i talked to Suzie about what i had made so far and how to present it. it was a cathartic thing to do. it cleared up what i had made and how that showed. she also convinced me not to put it away from sight like i was planning to. exciting developments for me to be invested in. and that’s been a while. afterwards i scarfed down my pizza while watching Korra and went to drive with my dad again. this time


Click-through diary, 2020

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